Tales From The Mako Reactor
by Pirate Cap'n Spazz
Summary: It's just retarded blorg... Well, this is what happens when I enter the world of FF7 & wreak havoc! ^.^
1. Default Chapter

**~*~Tales From The Mako Reactor~*~**

Annoying the Good Guys

"Get ready you guys!" Cloud said to the rest of his group getting into a defensive position. "This one looks big!"

They all looked at the pod. What they were expecting was another mako-induced human monster to come out, but that didn't happen, instead a baby blue and light purple smoke came out and someone was coughing.

"Man... That's the last time I make fun of Seymour..." a voice said."Sticking me in a sailor outfit..."

After the voice, someone stumbled out of the pod. Oviously it was a girl, she had on a sailor senshi outfit.

"Uhh.... Are you all right?" Cloud spoke first, seeing that everyone was giving him that look. "Uh.. Hello?"

"Hm?" she sighed, looking up, then surprised everyone by giving Cloud a hug. "Oh, thank you! Thank you!! I thought I was gonna die in there!!!"

_"Huh?"_

"Hey!! Let go of Cloud!!" Tifa yelled. The girl blushed and let go mumbling apologies.

"Well uh... Thanks for saving me...My firend's gonna pay for it though...." she mumbled at the end, then let out a nervous laugh. "Whoo boy... I forgot to introduce myself... I am the authoress,Cikara Asuka . Call me Azi."

"Er... I'm Cloud... That's Tifa, that's Barret, that's Aerith, that's Yuffie, that's Vincent, that's Cid, and that's Red." Cloud said, pointing to each respective person.

"You're an author? How's it like?" Aerith asked, Azi sweatdropped.

"Er... Well.. It's fun!!" Azi replied

"How so?"

"Uh....."

"Well..." she started, taking out a pen and paper from who knows where and wrote something down. Instantly Cloud was wearing Yuffie's clothes and Yuffie was wearing Cloud's clothes.

Cloud was looking over his shoulder, inspecting his bottom. "Hey... My butt looks big in this..." he said thoughtfully. Yuffie was fumming. 

**"FER THE LOVE OF GAWD!"** she started. **"I WANT _MY OWN_ CLOTHES BACK!!!!!"**

"Yeek!! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!!" Azi squeaked, writing something else on a piece of paper. Cloud and Yuffie were back in their own clothing.

"Hey... Being an author is fun, huh?" Cid asked, Azi nodded. Cid got an evil glint in his eye. "Oh how the yaoi story writers will pay.... Mweh heh heh heh..."

"Woah... Switch to de-caf, Grampa." Azi said, sweatdropping.

"Gr-Grampa?! **GRAMPA?!?! I'M 38 GODDAMMIT!! #^&$&!!! 38!!! THAT'S NOT $%(^#@ OLD!!!!!!!!!"** Cid exploded. Azi hid behind Vincent.

"Wah!! Old people are scary!!!"

"You know, that's an insult to me, as well." Vincent said, giving Azi a look, snatching his cape back. "An 'keep yer mitts offa mah cape."

"This is all fine and dandy, but what are we going to do about all the mako monsters around us?" Red asked. Everyone sweatdropped.

"We fight 'em, duh!!" Azi said a little too excitedly. She grabbed Cloud's arm. "We're gonna fight 'em, right?"

"Uh... Yeah..."Cloud mumbled. Tifa was fuming, so was Aerith.

**_"STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!!"_** they both yelled.

"Jeez!! I don't even really like Cloud!!" Azi said, letting Cloud's arm go and shrugged. "I like Sephiroth better."

_"SH!!!!!!"_ Barret yelled. "He'll hear you!! He's _EVERYWHERE!!!_"

"Barret, that was just creepy." Tifa said.

And with that, evil laughter was heard. It was the evil laughter that belonged to a purple sponge who was then kicked to death by Reno.

**"PIECACRAPSPONGE!!!!"** Reno yelled at it. **"$&*$^#%&$%*$^*$^*$&!!!!!!!!!!"**

Azi's eyes got as wide as dinner plates. "Oh. My. God. It's Reno!! YEEEEEEEEK~!!!!!!!" and with that fangirl scream, ran up the 90 degree wall and tackled him.

"HNGRK!!!!!!" was all Reno got out.

"Is it just me, or has everyone else noticed that really creepy fan-girls are authors of a _lot_ of fanfiction?" Red asked. All nodded with agreement.

"Well, since the 'authoress' is preoccupied, I suggest we take our leave." Vincent said, already at the exit. "Bye!! NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Dude, I wasn't expecting that." Cid said, sweatdropping.

Vincent jumped out of the ceiling in front of him. **"NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!! NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"**

"All right, who gave Giggles a %&%$&$ caffinated Pepsi?!" Cid demanded.

"He said he would behave!!" Yuffie said. She got tackled by Vincent.

"I _luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv_ you, the all Sugar Giving Goddess!!" Vincent said, acting all chibi. 

**"GROSSNESS!! GET OFF!! YER OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY GRANDPA!!!!"**

After a few minutes of just standing there like idiots, Reno's cries of protest ("NO HUGS!! GAH!! I HAVE COOTIES!! NOOO!!!"), died down and Azi climbed down the cliff wall thing & glomped onto Cloud for no apparent reason.

"W-Would you get offa me please? I fear for my health." Cloud said, glancing at Tiffa and Aerith. Azi let's go.

"Hmm..... I feel like wreaking havoc!!" Azi said evelly. She got out a piece of paper. Reno yelped and ran far, far away. A second later, everyone was wearing everyone else's clothing. The weird thing was that Red was wearing Aerith's outfit and well... yeah...

"This is fun!!" Azi smiled, admiring her new Cloud outfit.

//^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ 

Well, the next chapter will be all about the Turks!! **cough** Reno!**cough** I liked writing the story like this, but it might have been easier in the screenplay format. Oh well. I think I'll keep it like this. An 'the purple sponge is SpongeBob SquarePant's evil twin SpongeRon RoundKilt!!!!!


	2. Look! Reno in trunks!

**~*~Tales From The Mako Reactor~*~**

Annoying the Turks

It was vacation time and the Turks were at the beach. Rude was still in his suit, Tseng was in swim trunks and flirting with Elena, Reno was splashing around in the water. Unfortunately for Reno, a certain authoress was sitting in the water waiting for the bishounen.

Since Reno wasn't paying attention, Azi swam up behind him, playing the Jaws' music in her head. As soon as she got close, she coughed and Reno turned around.

"Why are you stalking me?" he asked, Azi coughed s'more.

"I'm not stalking you, **cough** I'm claiming you as mine 'cause if you hadn't noticed, there're other fan girls in here **cough** trying to kidnap you." Azi said, hacking up some water after she was done speaking.,/p> 

"Uh... That's really creepy. Should you be coughing like that? I don't want to catch whatever the hell you have." he said.

"I'm recovering from a cold. Hey! Is Tseng cooking?!?!" Azi high tailed it out of there hoping for food, leaving poor Reno to the 'sharks'.

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"_** Reno was cut off.

"......" said Rude.

"Uh... What did he say?" Azi asked.

"He said pass the ketchup." Elena said, taking the ketchup from Azi and giving it to Rude.

"Where's Reno?" Tseng asked. "He's going to starve & I don't want to listen to that on the drive home."

"I'll get him!" Azi said, running to the water's edge and yelling at the top of her lunges. **"OMIGOD!!!! _VASH THE STAMPEDE_ IS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS THREE BLOCKS TO THE WEST!!! AGH!!!!!!"**

And with that, all the fangirls ran to the beach three blocks from there and Azi dragged Reno out of the water.

"Who wants to wake him up?" she asked.

"I will!!" Elena said, leaning by Reno's ear. **"GET YOUR G'DDAMN YAOI TAPES OUTTA MY ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

"AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Reno screamed. "I DIDN'T LEAVE THEM THERE!!! I SWEAR!!! Hey... Waitasec!! I don't have yaoi tapes!! Those're Tseng's!!!"

Everyone looks at Tseng, who has turned red. _"Wh-What?!?!"_

Everyone looks at Tseng. "Wow. You're the last person I'd expect to own yaoi tapes." Azi commented and thought about it for a sec. "No.... Rude's the last person, sorry."

Tseng was left with coming up with excuses as to why he had yaoi tapes, Azi was hanging on Reno, Elena wasn't paying attention and Rude... Well Rude was being, well, Rude. 

"Y'see... Uhm... Well... Uh... Err... Uhm..." Tseng muttered, getting all red.

"Hey Tseng, can I have seconds? I'm hungry!!" Azi said, glomping onto Tseng, begging for food.

"Jeez... She mooches more than me." Reno mumbled, turning to Elena & putting on a chibi face. "Elena?"

Elena Death Glares him, while Tseng is trying to tell Azi that they don't have anymore food ("It's all Rude's fault! He's a bottomless pit!!") and not get killed. Then, for one reason or another, someone fell out of the sky and onto Reno.

Azi screamed and hid behind Rude. The girl that fell on Reno stood up and shook the sand from her dress. She had a really scary resemblance to Azi, like she was a mirror copy or something.

_"WHO LET YOU OUT?!?!"_ Azi yelled from behind Rude. The girl smiles.

"I was sent to retrieve you, m'lady." the copy smiled, looking at Azi like an adult would to a shy child. "You've been here too long."

****

"THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHO LET YOU OUT!!!!!!" Azi seethed, then it hit her. "He wants me to come home, doesn't he?"

"He says that he misses you terribly and that you should go home." the copy replied cheerfully.

"Holy crap, there's two Azi's!!" Reno exclaimed, recovering from the hit to his head.

"It's not like anything's gonna happen if I'm not there! So I'm not going back!"

"But..."

"But nothing!! I knew you'd be trouble!!" Azi exclaimed, forgetting that she's an author and could just erase her copy, she uses her dark powers of evilness and death to summon her shape-shifting pet, Bierrez. His current form was a fluffy black kitten. "My kitty!!"

Bierrez jumps into Azi's arms and purrs, then glares at everyone else, especially Reno. You see, Bierrez is incredibly jealous. If Azi takes a liking to someone (anyone really....) he has a mission to kill that person or whatever.

"Would you like me to get _rid_ of the red-headed mortal?" Bierrez asked, scaring the Turks.

"No, it's her." Azi replied, Death Glaring her copy.

"Very well." he sighed, jumping from Azi's arm and onto the sand. He turns into a human shape, but keeps his cat ears.

"Aw, that's so cute!" Elena said, tackling Bierrez and started playing with his ears.

"I think I'm gonna puke." Reno said.

"Me too." Azi agreed. "I think I'm also going to run so my copy will just go away!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!" And with that, Azi ran top speed in her ninja run and managed to get away from her copy. 

But... She forgot something...

**"MAAAAAAAAAAASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!! HALP!!!!!!!"** Bierrez shrieked, getting crushed by Elena.

//^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ 

Azi: Oh dear... I left Bierrez with Elena. He's never going to forgive me for that... **gets a chill down her spine** That damned copy.... Oh yes, about that. She's well, I don't really know what she is, just that SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME WHICH IS SO NOT COOL!!!! Ahem! I'm fine. She's probably going to pop up every now and then... **mumbles bad things about her copy** Well, I think in the next chapter I'll annoy Sephiroth. That'll be fun... Heh heh heh.... Let's just see how he fares against the Goddess of Death.... Heh heh heh.... Ha ha ha... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Vash: Oh dear Lord, she's been playing King of Fighters again.

Cloud: You know she can't ignore that game when she goes to the mall.

Iori: It just means she likes me better than both of you! NYA!!!!

Legato: You damned clone, shut up!!!!

Iori: **can't talk no matter what**

C&V: YAY!! We won't get bullied anymore!!!

Legato: Heh heh.... Foolish optimistic good guys.....

Sephiroth: Was adding a copy a cheesy way to have a plot?

Azi: Yes. Yes it is. **pops something dark & purple in her mouth**

Sephiroth: THE BLACK MATERIA!!! **pounces Azi & forces it out of her mouth** You almost ate it!

Azi: You dummy!! It's a jawbreaker!!!!!!


	3. Look! Cloud Wet His Pants!

**~*~Tales From The Mako Reactor~*~**

Annoying Sephiroth!!

"Now you die, Strife." Sephiroth said very evilly, raising the Masamune, just about to chop Cloud's head off when...

"SEPHI!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked a familiar fan-girl voice.

"GAK!!!!" was what Sephiroth let out when he was tackled by a trench coat wearing girl. "Git offa meeeeeeeee!!! I'm about to kill Strife!!!!!!!"

"What? You don't like me anymore? I thought you liked it when I camne to visit!!" Azi said with teary anime eyes.

"Uhm... Uh... H-Hey!! No crying!!!" Sephiroth spurt out, not wanting to see a girl cry. "I do like it when you visit! So stop with the eyes ok?!"

"You have homework, don't you, Azi?" Cloud asked looking bored.

"Yup!" she replied happily, hanging on Sephiroth. "I also came 'cause people won't leave me alone 'cause they think I'm the real Vash the Stampede 'cause I act like a girl version of him."

_"Liiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaar!!!!!!!!!"_ Cloud said, which caused Azi to take the Masamune from Sephiroth and bring it down inches from his nose.

"Would you like this through your heart, Strife?" Azi asked in her evil Legato/Battosai voice. She looked at Cloud's midsection. "I'm just joking! Now go change your pants!!"

Cloud scampered off, leaving Azi and Sephiroth having to change their pants because they were laughing so hard.

"Hey Sephi, how old are you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Cuz."

"Cuz why?"

"Cuz I said so."

"No I don't."

"I'm 15."

"Good for you. No."

Azi got a little fed up and tackled Sephiroth. He had no idea what was going on, and Azi got ahold of his wallet. He kept trying to get it back, but she kept dodging. She finally found what she was looking for and tossed the rest of the wallet down the side of a cleverly placed cliff.

"Awwwww! Lookatchu!!! You look so cute with glasses!!" Azi giggled, looking at Sephiroth's driver's liscense. Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. "Dude... You haven't had this renewed since you were 18."

"I haven't had a car since I was 18. Now gimme!!" he tried snatching it, but missed. "Gimme!! It's _miiiiiiiine!!_"

"But I need a new piccy for my collection!!"

**_"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"_**

"I didn't say anything!!!" Azi sweatdropped with a kitsune face. Sephiroth glared at her then grabbed her backpack.

"Whatcha got in here?" he wondered aloud, taking out random things, such as Sanosuke's Zanbattou, Gourry's Sword of Light, several katana's, PlayStation 2, One Winged Angel Keyblade, Sephiroth, Legato, and Kakashi plushies, a few Poke'balls, and some school books. "How is it possible that you have all this stuff in here?!"

"Uuuuuuuhhhhh... Dimensional pocket?" Azi suggested, stuffing her things back into her bag.

"Wait." Sephiroth said and he took a paper from Azi's math book. "Why do you have a list with my name on it?"

"That's my list so I know who to pester! Your name isn't scratched off 'cause I haven't gone home yet."

"Wait... No it isn't!!! Strife's name isn't on here, his annoying friends name's aren't on here, and only Reno of the Turks' name is on here, the rest of 'em aren't." he said, glaring at Azi. "An' why the hell do you have the Japanese word for 'scarecrow' on here?!"

"That's 'cause it's Kakashi-sensei's name! Now give it back!!" Azi snatched her paper. "What time izzit?",/p> 

Sephiroth looked at his watch. "About 4:30. Why?"

"AGH!!! Gotta go home..." Azi freaked out. She hugz Sephiroth. "I luv you!" 

_"WHAT?!?!"_ he froze. She smiled.

"I'm just joking. Jeez." and she dissapeared. Sephiroth fell over anime style and Reno walked by.

"What happened to _you_?"

"Evil fangirl's finishing move...."

"Oh." and Reno walked off.

And Sephiroth was left sitting there for several hours until the Azi-clone fell on him.

"Lady Asuka, where are you?!" she called and trampled all over the silver haied bishounen.

//^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ //^\_^/ 

Azi:Sorry for the wait. Finals an' all. Uhm... I hope you like this chapter, next'll be.... uhm..... Yeah..... How about we harrass a character from somewhere else? like Sanosuke Sagara from Rurouni Kenshin? I don't know if I'll do it, but if you guys wanna see it, I'll do it! XD


End file.
